5 Reasons a Speedo Wife Cries

Hello fellow Speedo wives from sad, sad me. By now you probably all know that I have a husband that’s not in great shape and won’t quit wearing his ridiculous speedo. I realize this may now sound like I'm whining....but I'm just trying to let the rest of you Speedo wives know you're not alone.

It’s a sad state of affairs when a wife suffers silently about this dreaded piece of cloth called a Speedo and I have 5 top reasons why I cry myself to sleep. So Speedo wives....know that you're not alone!

1.) Summer is coming again.

When summer rolls around you can bet that the Speedo will be taken out, dusted off, be prepared for wearing and causing embarrassment.

There are ads all over the TV stating that it’s time to put in a pool. Hubby states, "We should get one so we can have everyone over". Well, not over my dead body (they wouldn’t come anyway)! I hide money and say, "Sweetie we just don’t have it this year".

I cry because I lie.

2.) He thinks he’s Mark Spitz.

Mark Spitz, gold medal winner at the Olympics years ago, had a great body and still looked stupid in a Speedo.

My husband, by no stretch of the imagination, looks like Mark Spitz, but thinks he does. He proudly struts his stuff for everyone to see with this lovely Speedo and doesn’t care who is around He sees himself totally different than everyone else, so...

I cry because the mirror lies.

3.) Our friends don’t invite us anymore.

When our friends have a gathering where swimwear is required, John and I are left off the invitation list.

Honestly, who could blame our friends, who will remain nameless to protect the innocent, for not wanting Mr. Sausage around at their party?

I cry because I miss all the fun.

4.) He posts his picture on the internet.

Hubby actually sent a recent picture of himself to a Speedo contest, which wouldn’t have been so bad except he sent pictures of the family.

Now not only are our close friends laughing at us….the whole world is.

I cry because I’m ashamed.

5.) He’s thinking of buying a new Speedo.

As if the old worn out one that he already has isn’t enough, Hubby has just found an even skimpier type of Speedo to sport around. Yes fellow Speedo wives….he’s considering the lethal "G" string.

I swear I will bankrupt us first before he gets any money for that, and...

I cry because I’ll have to get my food at the food bank.

So fellow Speedo wives….I’m sure my list of reasons I cry myself to sleep isn’t much different than yours. I will be mounting a movement soon...so watch for that.